You Are Not Responsible for Your Laziness

Posted 10 months, 1 week ago at 10:45 am. 4 comments

I’ve always enjoyed reading about and absorbing other people’s views that starkly contrast my own. I think it has something to do with being a curious person - I love to stay up-to-date with new information and trends, and share what I learn with other people. (That’s the primary reason for this blog!) This post is about a viewpoint I’ve thought about that contrasts with the very core of personal development.

The basic assumption of the self-help literature is that you are the molder, the designer, the master of your life. You assume 100% responsibility for all that happens. If something - anything! - goes awry, you take the blame so you can fix what went wrong.

But is that necessarily true? Does responsibility for your life always lie with you? And are you truly responsible for personality traits like being lazy?

The basis of personal development? It’s always about you!

Survey of personal development literature says… yes! It’s always about you.

For example, what’s the first thing people do when they can’t master a personal development skill, such as the basics of time management? They blame themselves. It’s always their fault! I don’t know why this profound level of self-acceptance is so popular, but people love to blame themselves when they can’t figure out how to schedule their day.

You see this so clearly when you read what people post on self-help forums:

• “What’s wrong with me?”
• “I can’t seem to do anything right!”
• “Why am I so unmotivated and lazy?”

And other people reinforce the belief that you are in control of your life, by blaming you for your errors:

• “They are so irresponsible!”
• “Why can’t he take the time to learn the new skills to make his career even better?”
• “She’ll never amount to anything, she’s out of touch with the ‘real world’.”

Need further evidence? Look at what we call resources like this blog: personal development, self-help, self improvement. We expect you to take those first steps to master a life skill or change careers. If you don’t arrive at where you want to go, it’s obviously something innately wrong with you, right? You took the wrong steps because you didn’t do your research. You’re just lazy, you’re not working hard enough, you’re just not “up there” with the rest of us. Stop blaming everybody else for your problems when the answer clearly lies within yourself! If you can’t learn how to schedule correctly it’s obviously because you’re a lazy person who can’t figure it out on your own. Who cares about if you claim you’re “lazy”, that’s just a cop-out mindset! What is wrong with you?!

(Actually, I’ll tell you there’s nothing wrong with you. At all. You’re just like everybody other member of the human race!)

After seeing so much of this “take responsibility” ethic everywhere, it started to make me think. How come some people just naturally have a gift of self-discipline and others don’t? (Self-discipline doesn’t appear to be a natural skill, after all.) How come some children end up being overachievers in high school and college, while others fail even though they appear very gifted and talented? Why do some people succeed in a world of blinding, horrific setbacks and others fail with enough money, time, talent, and gifts for 10 lifetimes? What gives?

Personal development constantly claims people have free will, the power to chose what actions they want to take. And it’s a consistent claim, in all of the literature. But… what if you took away the choice of free will, and pretend it doesn’t exist?

Suppose that the skills you learn in personal development are not inborn (but can be developed on your own), and you have absolutely no free will whatsoever. What would determine your actions at that point? What would possess you to do things like quit a job you hate, start a family, go on a cruise, or sit around and watch TV all day?

No free will: Your context determines your outcomes.

If you have no free will, something from outside of you has to determine your actions. And that… is your context!

Your context is your environment, your life. It’s who you hang out with. It’s what places you go to on a daily basis. It’s what your house or apartment looks like. It’s what you do in your free time. It’s your entire life. Everything in your life contributes to your context.

It’s not your fault that you’re lazy. Or de-motivated. Or feel like sleeping all the time. Or unsatisfied with the choices you’ve made in life. None whatsoever. Those circumstances are caused by everything around you, not anything from inside of you.

Let’s put this into a clear example. When people get trapped in a boring job they hate, do they really have the “free will” to quit that job? Pretend that there’s a man who’s trying to feed his family of four and pay off rent, bills, and credit card loans. He has a decent paying job, but it’s work he loathes, and he knows in his heart he’d rather be doing something else. Also pretend that he’s never heard of personal development before and has no idea about that realm of thinking. Based on context, what are some of the reasons he’d stay in that job?

• His family’s physical well being. No food, they all starve. Don’t pay the bills? No house or apartment to live in. No gas to put in the car. Maybe not even transportation.
• His family and friend’s mental well being. What is his wife going to say if he even thinks about quitting? “Why on earth would you do a stupid move like that?! We need food! You can’t just quit your job! You make good money, and right now we’re in a tight spot.” What would his kids think if he quit? That daddy can’t hold down a job. What about his friends, what would they think of him? “Wow, that guy has a family to support, and he just quit his job! What a loser!”
• His environment at home. He comes home at night, and sees the kind of place he lives in: old furniture, the carpet is worn down, the kids are wearing hand-me-down clothes, there’s no computer because he can’t afford one, the TV is 10 years old. What goes through his mind when he sees these things? “I have to keep my job. I want to create a better life for my family, and while I might hate this job, making money is the only way I can move up in the world.”
• His environment at work. What will the people at work think when he quits? “Why’d he quit, this position pays so well! And what are we supposed to do without him here, that would throw off the whole team! Ugh!”

So tell me; in his mind, does he have free will?

I know what you’re thinking: “Of course he has free will! He can go against the grain, quit his job, and follow his passion! He’s in total control of his life, no matter what.”

I wholeheartedly disagree. He’s in constant ambush of these forces dictating at him what to do. These forces literally keep him in his place, preventing him from doing anything else. Does anybody remember the Milgram experiment? It overwhelmingly shows people don’t have much free will when thrown into a context of “You must do this.” And that’s exactly what that guy is in. “You can’t quit!” screams his family, friends, and environment. His context locks him in place.

Right now, there is nobody telling him “You know, you can save up a bit of money, then change careers to something you enjoy,” or “Honestly, follow your heart. You’ll be happier, make more money in the long run, and lead a totally fulfilling life - one that’s perfect for you.” How can he possibly entertain those viewpoints if nobody is influencing him to think that way? And even if one person tells him those things and supports him, he still has an overwhelmingly negative environment that reinforces the “keep job or else” mentality.

Better yet, let’s take it a step further. What if he joined Steve Pavlina’s forums, got massive support from the online community, and Steve himself posted an uplifting message of hope and encouragement? What would our guy do now - continue on the same path, or switch routes to something better for himself? It very well might be the latter. A new variable was added into the context - a group of folks who support him quitting the lowly job he hates - and it’s influencing his behavior.

You see, your context teaches you what moves are acceptable or not. Then you go out and you perform what you’re taught. If lots of people teach you that “Staying in a job you hate is respectable if you need to make money to feed your starving family,” then that’s what you’re going to do. But if some other people say… “Staying in a job you hate is not what’s best for you - go and find a job you love and perform that!” then you might take a different set of actions. Context determines outcomes.

Are you responsible for your laziness?

Deep down, are you actually responsible for your lazy feelings? Or are you just a product of your complete environment, and really have no choice in the matter?

I like to think it’s a bit of both. Your environment creates who you are, but you actually do have some way in the realm of free will and thinking. For example… you have your imagination. And you have role models you can look up to and emulate, even if they aren’t in your immediate environment.

So are you responsible for your laziness? You decide.